Unchecked Ramblings

With every calamity and crisis that the Philippines faces, preserving one's mental health had always been on the bottom part of the list for most Filipinos, if it is on the list of things to be preserved, or if there is a list at all. I've always believed in this personal, biased assessment as I reflect on how different people, communities, and countries respond to the coronavirus pandemic from my tiny apartment in this overcrowded city. I am one of those lucky people who were able to work from home despite the lockdown in Metro Manila. Most of my neighbours in this beautiful shanty town are labourers, drivers, supermarket employees, vendors, etc who get paid hourly or weekly, if not daily, with no means of alternative income or even savings.

Unlike the destructive typhoons and floods which the Philippines experienced, this pandemic affected at least 55 of the 81 provinces in the country, and no one was fully prepared for it. We knew it was coming sooner rather than later, but as with all the social and health problems this country is still facing, we were all chickens with no heads. We all have the pandemic plans on paper, but no one is actually trained for it, let alone those on the grassroots level of public health. We can only respond to the developing crisis, led by leaders, who half of the population don't even trust. Putting aside the DDS and non-DDS demarcation, Filipinos rose to the challenge with food and financial donations, health advice, offers of free services, and words of encouragement scattered all over social media and community boards.

Still, an outright discussion on mental health, loneliness, and depression are yet to be made. This may be because Filipinos want actual solutions to difficult situations. We usually skip theories and the why's and go straight to an actionable course. Some of the heroes hailed during this pandemic are employers, who acted on decisions that made a difference to their employees either by making sure their employees are still getting an income and their bills are getting paid despite huge financial losses to them, or by letting their employees take home their computer or other tools to help with the work from home set up. We don't talk about how lonely, depressed, or mentally unstable we are because that's not how we were raised to deal with a crisis. We make sure we get food on the table, get the electricity and water running before we can afford the time to emotionally break down. And even then, most of us don't have this luxury. When you hear people on the street outside their homes gathering together and airing their concerns and complaints, that's the Filipino version of group therapy.

For a developing country grappling with poverty and corruption, survival is always first on the minds of Filipinos. I've learned about Abraham Maslow's theory on the hierarchy of needs in elementary, and I've never fully understood it until I became an adult, and my eyes were opened to the sociopolitical status of my country. Those of us who've grown from poor to middle-class families have realised from a young age the importance of having parents who are employed and a roof over our heads. We were lucky if we're able to go to school and luckier even if we can go to the university of our choice. One of the things I am most amazed by is the one-track mind of most Filipino parents when it comes to education. Most Filipino parents value education so much that there is really no other choice for their children but to go to school and get a degree. Our parents raised us to the best of their abilities, and most of the time, according to how they were raised, may it be a good or a bad way as to how the society judges it to be. One thing common among how Baby Boomers and Millennials were raised is the lack of active discussion on mental health. Most Filipino kids were trained to be hard-working, resilient, and to live with pride and dignity either by example or simply by unsupervised experiences most Filipino children go through as they become adults. Most Filipino kids from the 1970s to early 2000 were chased with a broom, a stick, a belt, or thong when they made a mistake, said the wrong things, got themselves in sticky situations, or even just by looking at their mother with a stink eye. My brothers and I experienced our fair share, and I can say it was not the most appropriate way to instill discipline or to correct behaviour. But, most of us grew up okay, not breaking at the smallest trials, setbacks, and disappointments.

It was how things were back then, we didn't know any better. But now, we do. Filipino parents in the last decade or so are now more aware of their role in bringing up their children in a more holistic way and their influence in shaping the mental and emotional health of their kids. Even my dad who used to beat us with every mistake said sorry for raising us the way he did. As I walked about town during my last visit to my hometown, I can see and feel the shift in the mindset of my neighbours. This shift, of course, came with the changing times, changing population demography, and changing values. I would say that the rising influence of celebrity parents and lifestyle gurus with the rise of feminism and the call for acceptance for all genders have all contributed to this subtle, slow change of culture and values of Filipinos when it comes to family and child-rearing. We are now more westernised than ever, and either that's good or bad, we'll just have to take the good with the bad.